


Broken

by Kai_Heartnet



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: A wee bit of Violence, Abuse, Adam being Adam, Happy ending though!, M/M, multiple POVs, rated for language, this is a tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-07
Updated: 2015-05-14
Packaged: 2018-03-29 12:36:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 11,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3896566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kai_Heartnet/pseuds/Kai_Heartnet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is based somewhere before Whelk is discovered as being a murderer and all that jazz. Alternate Raven Boys.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Should Have Known

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this last year-ish on FFN, and thought since I needed a break from CoN for a wee moment, this was as good a thing as any to post! This is the only chapter in 3rd person. Everything after will be mentioned in-text. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoy!

Adam sat waiting at the end of the road for the familiar roar of the Pig. Every muscle in his body ached, and he just wanted to crawl into a hole and pretend he didn't exist. But that was too merciful. Life wasn't that kind. He heard the sound of a car speeding down the broken road, and was too dazed to realize it was too quiet to be the Pig. Suddenly, a shark-like charcoal BMW was in front of him.

"Damn, Parrish..."

Adam internally groaned. Apparently life decided to torture him even if he didn't run away. He stared at Ronan Lynch with all his sharp edges.

"Why isn't Gansey here to pick me up?"

Ronan shrugged. He didn't lie, so he just didn't answer. Adam accepted the silence as answer enough. A sudden thought dawned on him, and he flushed slightly with the realization. Ronan just watched as the sepia-painted boy struggled to stand. If he were any other person, and Adam were any other person, he'd offer to help, but both knew where they stood with each other.

"Do you want me to have a 'talk' with your dad?" Ronan offered instead as Adam practically fell into the passenger seat.

Adam glared at him. If he wouldn't accept the rich gifts from his Aglionby friends, he definitely wouldn't accept Ronan's offer to "talk". Ronan nodded in understanding and got into the car that once belonged to his father. He knew about pain, and he knew no one but you could face your own brand of it. They drove in silence.

After a few miles, Adam drifted off to sleep. Ronan watched the boy out of the corner of his eye as he drove. He knew Adam must be exhausted if he could sleep through-what Adam himself once referred to as "dying goats"-his music blaring through the speakers. Instead of turning right toward Aglionby, Ronan quickly turned and headed back toward Monmouth. He could take Adam and Gansey's bitching if it meant the guy could have a few more hours of peace.

Adam awoke to the light screech of Irish violins. He was laying in a dark room that could only be described as neatly messy. The music came from Ronan's headphones, which were located on Ronan's head. The tall teen had his back to him and was sleeping soundly in his desk chair. Adam sat up to the opposition of his body and looked at the cracked alarm clock on Ronan's nightstand. It was well pass lunch.

He'd ask himself how he got there, but he knew full well, and an unexplainable anger rose in his chest. The fear of missing the majority of the school day trump it though, and he forced himself unsteadily on his feet.

"Where do you think you're going?"

The gruff voice surprised him, and Adam jumped. He turned to see the headphones around Ronan's neck, those razor-sharp eyes turned on him.

"It's not too late to catch Lati-"

"-And what is going to be your excuse for being so late? I would approve of, 'Sorry. My dad beats the shit out of me and I was a bit too weak to make it to class this morning.'"

Adam ground his teeth. "I can't afford to miss more school."

"Because that perfect GPA is going to go down a little? Have you looked at yourself, Parrish?"

It wasn't like Ronan to use logic, and it wasn't like Adam to ignore it, but there was an apparent first time for everything, because Adam walked out of the room that had once been an office. Ronan stood and caught up to him. He grabbed his arm to stop him, but immediately regretted it. Adam winced and flinched violently away.

"There's not much school left today anyways. Just sleep until it's time for you to go home, and go tomorrow," Ronan tried.

Adam realized how out-of-character this kindness of Ronan's was, and decided he must truly be worse-for-wear if he had brought it out. He nodded and went back into Ronan's bedroom.

Gansey listened with the same intent look he wore while building his miniature Henrietta.

"I suppose there was no other answer," he nodded after Ronan had explained why he and Adam had missed school. He was used to the practically non-existent excuses from Ronan for why he himself had missed, but even Gansey had to admit that he'd have done the same had he been in the Irish boy's shoes.

Adam was still asleep in Ronan's room, and neither wanted to be the one to wake him, but it was almost time to take him back to that hole he called home.

"We could kill him," Ronan stated matter-of-factly about the elder Parrish.

"That's not funny," Noah pouted, appearing for the first time that day.

"It's not suppose to be," Ronan replied. "His mother will probably be a problem though. I try not to hit women. What say you?"

The look on Gansey's face was very unamused.

"I'll wake him."


	2. Not Strong Enough

_Ronan_

I laid in my bed as Gansey drove Adam "home". My sheets still smelled of him, and I refused to admit what went through my head as Chainsaw devastated an unopened envelope addressed from Declan. It was probably some notice about him hiring Mom a new nurse or bitching at me for skiping so much class. Either way, Chainsaw got more enjoyment out of it than I would have.

I found myself falling into an unwanted sleep. It wasn't the kind of sleep that led to me pulling something out of my dreams, but of something from my dreams pulling me in.

I saw Adam. He sitting like he was when he was waiting for a ride for school, but his clothes were different. They were ripped and torn, but he seemed uninjured. His beautiful features were smiling, something he never did anymore. A large crack appeared just above his left eye and curved down his straight nose, stopping at the hollow of his throat.

"Parrish?  _Vestibulum ut solveret..._ "

" _Denique ego sum_ ," he replied, his mouth making more cracks.

" _Dimitte me praeter te_ ," I pleaded, but he continued to smile as even more cracks appeared. Suddenly, the wind blew and Adam shattered into thousands of pieces so fine that no one could pick them up. The wind continued to blow and swept him away.

I awoke to Chainsaw's cawing. I wondered where the little creature had gone while Adam was here earlier. She was usually so attached to me, to have her missing was odd. I decided not to think about the dream and instead decided to face something that actually wanted my help. I began to feed Chainsaw.

" _Can you please stop that noise?_ " Noah whimpered pathetically. I rolled my eyes at the melodramatic shade. There was no other way to describe the other resident of Monmouth Manufacturing. With his crumpled form and pale appearance-not like Adam's which was more like sepia, but like a kind of watered down version of something that didn't exist anymore-Noah seemed very much like a forgotten ghost.

"She needs to eat," I stated simply.

"No."

I raised a curious eyebrow. It wasn't like Noah to challenge me.

"What?"

"You're only feeding it-"

"-Her."

"-because you don't want to think about the Adam situation...and your own," Noah replied reasonably. Far be it from me to see reason, though.

"What?" I growled more threateningly.

"It's not for me to explain," Noah shrugged and left my room.

Soon the memory of Noah began to fray, but his words hadn't.

"Damn," I growled. I couldn't stop thinking about that dream now. " _Damn_!"

I needed to do something that would get my mind off of Parrish and his life. My father always said that you couldn't help people until they were ready to be helped. Chainsaw looked up at me thoughtfully.

I would leave her here. I couldn't stand the thought of another person disappointed in my vices. I smirked as I realized I thought of the raven fledgling as a human. Not surprising since I'd seen the human Chainsaw. I'd seen a lot of things, but none I would ever tell. Secrets kept you sane. Not my sanity, but those of my friends. The things I could do wasn't average, even for those chasing the ley lines. I didn't doubt Gansey would understand, he might even be excited, but the weight of the knowledge of what I could do was already almost unbearable. I wouldn't put that on his shoulders.

It was a Thursday, so my usual line of adrenaline junkies that I raced were unavailable. But there was one that was always willing to test their engine against mine.

I pulled up beside the white Evo with the splattered knife design and revved my engine as the light turned red. The owner slid down his window. A pale face half covered by dark sunglasses grinned at me.

"Lynch! You're boyfriend's out tonight? Perhaps Dick Three wanted to tap Parrish tonight," Kavinsky taunted.

"Just drive, albino," I shot back.

"Why so tense tonight, Lynch? Maybe I could help?"

The light turned green and I sped down the straight-way. The Evo was close behind.


	3. The Sins We Allow

_Adam_

I hesitated in the Pig. I knew what was inside the trailer, and I didn't want to face it.

"You don't have to go in there," Gansey replied knowingly. My grip tightened on the car door.

Of course I had to. If I didn't, everything would just get worse and worse until...

"I'm okay..." I breathed slowly. The light was on in the front room. I knew he wasn't at work, but a hopeful part of me thought maybe he wasn't home yet. That Henrietta's traffic was actually thick for once...or he got a flat tire...or he-

" _Adam_ ," Gansey spoke in a tone that told me it wasn't his first time calling me. I blinked at him. "You can just come back to Monmouth. You don't have to belong to him anymore."

A familiar anger sparked in me. I wouldn't be my father's, but I would be Gansey's. At least I had a shot at escaping my father one day. I knew if I became one of Gansey's things-one of his discoveries-I would never crawl back out, and I couldn't let that happen.

"I'm okay," I replied and got out of the car. A cool breeze hit me-strange weather for Henrietta.

"Adam-"

I shut the door on whatever Gansey was going to say because I knew if I listened, I might go with him. He began to back away. I ignored the hurt expression on his face as I waited for him to go. I didn't go inside until I couldn't see the Pig's lights anymore.

Each step was like a cut, carving into my courage. The only thing that kept me going forward was that little anger I had left from Gansey's comment. I opened the door, knowing the longer I took the worse it would be.

For a split second, I thought I was safe. He wasn't in the living room, his normal spot, and that little voice in the back of my head began to celebrate. I saw my mother in the kitchen and the look on her face killed that cheer instantly. I heard their bedroom door open behind me before I felt the fist contact with the back of my head. I went down, hoping it would be that one hit, but knowing it was never just that one hit.

"Do you think I wouldn't notice?" he yelled angrily as my mother chopped wilted carrots in the kitchen.

_Diffuse the situation._

"I don't know what you mean," I replied as he grabbed me by my Aglionby sweater's collar. Just the sight of it seemed to enrage him more. He slammed his fist into my face and my world went black for a few seconds, and I dropped to the floor again.

"...called!"

I blinked back into the world. "...What...sir...?" Politeness sometimes calmed him down.

"Your rich school called!" he growled as he delivered a sharp kick to my side. "You didn't go to school today, so where did you go?"

_Quick! Think of something! Anything!_

"I-"

"Don't lie to me!" he yelled before I could get anything else out.

"Maybe...Maybe he's learned his lesson?" my mother finally spoke up. My father glared at her.

"He _lies_ to us!"

"I..." I started but was silent by another kick. I had lowered my arm so the kick connected with my wrist. I felt the indiscernable _snap_ that told me that it had broken. I didn't dare cry out.

"He won't learn if I just let him continue this!"

"You're..."

 _Wrong_ , I urged my mother to say. If she just stood up to him, maybe this would all en-

"...right. Right, honey," she nodded and went back to chopping.

Of course. _Of course._

I was grateful my room was too small to have many personal objects-like a mirror. I didn't see what my father had turned me into. I laid in my bed, careful of my broken wrist, and wondered how bad it would be to accept Gansey's offer.

_You would belong to him._

Better than belonging to my father.

_You might never become free._

But I might not survive my father much longer. It all came down to one question.

_My life or my freedom?_

_Gansey_

Monmouth was empty except for Ronan's odd raven. I decided to chew a mint leaf instead of contemplating the meaning behind that. It was too early in the week for Ronan to get into any bad trouble, and I couldn't blame him if he was looking for an outlet. I wanted one myself. My phone began to ring.

_"Why, hello, Jane," I smiled, not allowing earlier to slip into my voice._

"My mom told me to call you," she replied, her voice thick with disdain. It turned my smile genuine.

"Why? Does it have something to do with Glendower?"

"She didn't say, so I figured you just needed someone to talk to. Ready to spill your guts out?"

I actually laughed.

"I'm just trying to me civil," Blue replied and I could just imagine her glare. "It's better than calling someone a prostitute."

That just made me laugh harder. Blue hung up on me.

Whether she meant to or not, Blue gave me exactly what I needed. I sighed and threw myself on my bed.

I couldn't love that girl. Adam loved her, and a real friend never fell in love with the object of his friend's affection. Especially with everything else Adam was going through... I couldn't take away something that might be good for him.

But...


	4. Let Me Save You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really think anyone would believe otherwise, but disclaiming. I own none of the characters or the world or such.

_Ronan_

It was past four when I came back to Monmouth, and Gansey was sitting in the middle of the floor, painting the finishing touches on the mini Henrietta Electric Company. It looked like I wasn't the only one feeling restless tonight. He looked up when I entered, one earbud hanging out of his ear and wire-framed glasses fitted on his face. I sat beside him because I didn't want to go in my room.

"It's late," Gansey stated simply.

"No, it's early."

Silence.

Silence.

Sil-

"I'm angry," Gansey finally spoke, in the same way he might say, "It's cold." I knew it wasn't because I'd just come in.

Silence.

Silence.

"Do you want to go racing?" I asked, not really feeling like it. Gansey gave me a look that asked how I could ever possibly believe that was a good idea at...four-forty-eight in the morning. I nodded.

Silence.

"Do you wanna blow something up?"

"Could we?" Gansey asked, his eyes childishly wide. I gave him a look that asked how he could ever possibly believe that we couldn't. I stood and Gansey followed.

 

_Adam_

I had finally drifted into something resembling sleep when I heard a small knock at the front door. I groaned and strained to look at the time on my cheap watch. _Five-thirty._ My dad had just left for work. Maybe he'd forgotten something?

_Mom can handle it._

The knock sounded again, more aggitated. I sat up and got out of bed. Everything hurt, but it would only be worse if I didn't open the door.

 

"No," I said flatly.

Ronan stood on the otherside of the now open door. He was still wearing the same clothes from yesterday and he had a devious look on his face. I blame the savage smile that crossed his handsome face.

"You don't even know why I'm here, Parrish."

"Doesn't matter," I shook my head, suddenly realizing I was just wearing a t-shirt and boxers. I felt my face heat up, and the look on Ronan's face told me he'd noticed too.

I heard sirens nearby.

"What did you do?" I asked, suddenly alert.

"Can I come in before the cops notice someone's out here?" Ronan replied instead. I did not want someone from Aglionby to see the inside of my trailer-especially not Ronan Lynch-but I couldn't let him get arrested. Especially if it meant that the cops would wake my mother up. I didn't even want to think of the "talk" my dad would have with me for having the police come here. I let him in and shut the door behind him.

I expected some sharp, Ronan-esque comment, but he just looked around silently. I showed him into my room in case my mom did wake up.

"You sleep in here?" he asked quietly and without the normal bite Ronan's comments held.

"Yeah," I replied carefully. I wished I'd cleaned up my bloody clothes, or at least made up my bed, but Ronan didn't seem to notice any of it anyways. He turned and looked at me.

"Why do you stay here? Why do you take it all?" he asked, raising his hand and tracing the bruise over my nose. I took an unsteady breath. Ronan had never been this close to me before, and my racing heart wouldn't let me lie to myself.

"What...What other choice do I have?" I asked shakily. His calloused fingers trailed gently down to my lips and I knew Ronan must be able to hear my heart.

"You could move into Monmouth. It's not like there isn't room," Ronan stated, coming so close that I could feel his breath on my skin. The normal anger I felt with that offer sparked, but I was too distracted to understand it.

"I...I don't want to belong to him..."

Ronan's fingers trailed down and rested at the nape of my neck.

"Gansey...or your father?"

My anger found its outlet, and I pushed Ronan away. His expression was blank.

"Leave. The cops have passed now."

"Adam..."

" _Go._ "

Ronan nodded.

"You need to set that wrist before it heals wrong," he replied simply and walked out of my room. I heard the front door close, and everything in me wanted to chase after him, but my mind wouldn't let me. Instead, I covered my face with my good hand and sunk to the floor.

_What is wrong with me?_

 

_Gansey_

I began wondering how stupid I must have been to have agreed to do that with Ronan. It was like all common sense had just floated away for an hour. I looked up and saw I was near 300 Fox Way. I wondered if Blue was awake at this unholy hour. I got my answer in a sharp bark. I turned to see her fighting the leashes of several dogs.

"Why, hello, Jane," I smiled cheerfully. She looked up, surprise clearly on her face.

"Gansey? What are you doing out here? Did the Pig get stolen?" She seemed to realize the absurdity of that statement, and changed it. "Did Ronan still the Pig?"

I shook my head.

"We got into a bit of...trouble...and had to run for it. The Pig is still at Monmouth."

She raised a curious eyebrow.

"What kind of trouble?" she asked, a mischievous smile on her lips. Lips that I would have killed to make mine if only I could. I realized she wanted an answer.

"The illegal kind."

Her smile widened.

"You can tell me all about it while we walk them," she said gesturing to the dogs who were entangling their leashes again. I smiled- until she handed me two leashes. Her smile widened. "You didn't expect to not help did you?"

 

_Noah_

Silence.


	5. Intelligent v. Impulse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudos!!

_Ronan_

I listened to my phone ring as I drank more. I lay in my bed, wondering what the fuck was wrong with me. Why did I get so close to Adam?

_Why didn't he push me away sooner?_

My phone stopped ringing, only to pick up again. It was probably Declan wanting to bitch or Gansey mothering over me. I didn't need either. I didn't want either.

Chainsaw was nuzzled silently against my side, fast asleep. She stirred and looked at me disapprovingly.

 _Aren't you going to answer that?_ her look asked. I tsked and took a long sip from my beer. I was on my fourth one, but it wasn't enough to drown the shame I felt for what I'd done to Adam.

I knew better than to go there. If his father was home, Adam could have been in big trouble, and he still might be. I didn't know much about his mom, but if she didn't have the cops hauling Robert Parrish away, she was just as low as he was, and I didn't trust her with Adam's safety.

_I don't trust myself._

My phone stopped ringing again. I felt myself dozing off, and this time I let the sleep drag me down into a world that was my secret alone to bear.

My phone began to ring again, but it was too late. I was gone.

 

_Gansey_

I walked into Monmouth, and the first thing I noticed was the silence. We didn't have school today, so my only assumption was that Ronan was asleep or hadn't made it back. I looked at my mini Henrietta- a work in insomniatic progress.

_Jane laughed._

I blinked.

The thought had slipped into the front of my mind before I had even realized it. Blue seemed to be doing that quite frequently. I recently found myself noticing things, and before I could stop it, I would be thinking of her.

_The ley line-Jane's hair has started to grow. Is she going to cut it again or will she let it go? I bet she would be beautiful with long hair._

_Glendower's magi-Jane has beautiful eyes. I could write poetry about those eyes._

_Ronan is adding too- I wonder what Jane wears to bed?_

That last thought is the main reason why the cops had chased us and why we had to make sure Adam didn't sleep at his house tonight.

_I can't let this all drown out our search for Glendower._

That thought rang loud and clear, and I walked to my desk where my journal sat, waiting for me. I began to pour over my notes, hoping to see something that I had missed, or to finally have an answer to the hundreds of questions I wrote.

"Ronan did something..."

Noah could have shouted for how bad his sudden appearance startled me. He gave a breathy laugh.

"Ronan is always doing something," I commented after my heart-rate had slowed.

"He thinks it's bad," Noah grinned, and I raised a curious eyebrow. The look on Noah's face mixed with the fact that Ronan's moral meter barely hit three half the time intrigued me.

"What did he do?"

"It's not my secret to tell," Noah shook his head. I glared at him.

"Then why bring it up?"

"Because you should ask him and find out. Soon. I think he's drinking in his room...Again."

And then Noah simply walked into his room and shut the door.

"Lovely little chat," I mumbled. I looked at Ronan's door. If Ronan wanted to be self-destructive, I should let him...but I knew I couldn't let him hurt himself if I could help it. Not after what happened last time.

I closed my eyes, trying not to imagine one of my best friends covered in his own blood. I still couldn't believe Ronan would ever-

I was already trying the door before I even finished that thought. It wasn't locked, so I walked in.

Ronan's room was an organized mess. There was no doubt in my mind that he knew exactly where any of his things were, but to the un-Lynch mind, it looked like a hurricane had taken a pit stop in there. The room was dark and smelled like alcohol. I spotted Ronan asleep in his bed with his bird by him and a bottle in his hand. I sighed as I walked in.

I took the bottle out of his hand and noticed three others on the floor. I smiled. He'd moderated. Ronan stirred, as if knowing someone was in his room, but then he settled again, pulling his bird closer. I wondered what thing he did that he thought was bad. It couldn't be as bad as what we did earlier that morning, and Ronan definitely felt no guilt about that...

I stared at him as he slept. It was the closest I'd seen him to the old Ronan since his father was killed. He still looked sharp- even cracked- but he didn't look broken in his sleep. He didn't look lost.

"...m..." Ronan mumbled. I decided to leave, but just as I turned around, Ronan's phone began to ring. I picked it up to silence it when I noticed the number. It was Adam's home number. Before I could hit the answer button, it stopped ringing. If he was calling Ronan's phone, I had no right to know the reason. I left.

_I wonder if Jane's favorite color is blue?_


	6. Tension

_Adam_

_Why wouldn't he pick up?_ I wondered as I worked in the trailer factory. I could chalk it up to Ronan's aversion to phones, but a part of me knew it must be because of what happened this morning.

 _He only wanted to help you!_ I growled mentally. I remembered his light, almost gentle touch and his closeness. Was that all he wanted? To help? _Of course it was! Ronan wasn't gay, and neither was I..._

I glared at my gloved hands. Of course I wasn't! I was just...not used to Ronan being so close to me. That was all.

_But his touch did feel nice...and it was very obvious how savagely handsome he was...and the rare times he did genuinely smile with no maliciousness behind it..._

But after pushing him away like that, I doubted I'd ever see one of those smiles again.

"You're slowing down, Parrish! It's almost time for you to clock out, so don't fall behind now!" the floor manager called. I nodded and shook all thoughts that weren't work related from my mind. I couldn't afford to have my pay docked because my mind was stuck on Ronan.

Work passed by quickly after that, and I decided to go home and grab a quick shower before I- what? Called Ronan again? He wouldn't answer. That was apparent. And I couldn't just go over there. Gansey was smart, and he would see the tension between us.

But of course, Fate likes to bitch slap me from time to time.

The Pig was parked outside my trailer. Gansey was sitting in the driver's seat, his feet out the door. He was in his Old Gansey skin as he flipped through his journal. Ronan was sitting in the passenger seat, appearing to be asleep. I knew better. A neighbor's dog barked as I came closer, riding on my rusty bike, getting Gansey's attention. He looked at me and gave me a sheepish smile. Instant fear ran down my spine.

"So...how was work?" he asked carefully. I wasn't sure if there was another question under that one, and I was too tired to really read into anything other than the apprehensive look Gansey was giving me.

"Fine. What's wrong?"

Gansey quickly looked behind me, as if he were looking for something. He must have been watching for my father.

"Um...Can you stay at Monmouth?"

I opened my mouth to argue, but Gansey quickly cut me off.

"Just for the weekend! Just until things cool off."

"What? What things?"

"Get in the car, Parrish," Ronan suddenly spoke, his voice void of emotion. He got out of the Pig and flipped the seat so I could get in. Such a gentleman.

"I can't just go. I'll get in trouble, and I really don't need that right now." I was still sore from last time, though now I had acquired a brace for my wrist. Mom kept stuff like that in her closet.

"You're already in trouble, Parrish. Now, you have a choice. You can watch the shit hit the fan and you _might_ survive it, or you can come to Monmouth and wait out the aftermath," Ronan grinned falsely. I looked to Gansey, who had a guilty look on his face.

What did you do? I wondered. I looked at my "home." My father would be home any minute. He would never consent to let me spend the night anywhere- especially with Aglionby boys- and whatever they had done had obviously involved him. My mother suddenly appeared at the door, her face a strict mask of nothingness.

"Adam. Don't you think it's time to come in?"

"Mom, can...can I spend the weekend with my friends?" I asked shakily. Her eyes narrowed slightly.

"I don't think Robert would like that. Maybe you should wait until he gets home and ask."

Another wave of fear mixed with nausea rushed through me, but I bit it back.

Ronan had begun to tell my mother exactly what my father could go and do when Gansey quickly spoke over him.

"I could pay you for your son's time! We really need his help with somethings, and it'll take a long while."

I suddenly knew how Blue felt about the prostitute thing, but if it worked, I would hold my peace. My mother seemed to consider it. After what felt like an eternity, she spoke.

"Two hundred dollars," she stated. I blinked at her, not sure if I should be relieved or offended. All I was worth was two hundred dollars? Gansey simply opened his wallet, walked up, and gave it to her. She counted it in front of him, and then moved so I could go pack. I didn't look at Gansey or Ronan as I did so.

 

_Ronan_

"S. R. F.," I smirked at Gansey as Adam packed. Gansey rolled his eyes.

"What else was I suppose to do?" Gansey sighed heavily. It was my turn to roll my eyes.

"Kidnap him."

Gansey shook his head, a half-smile on his face.

"Do we really need more trouble with the police?"

Silence.

I spotted a truck at the end of the road where we normally picked up Adam. Someone got out and began walking down the long road toward the trailer. It was his father.

"I'm going to go help Adam pack," I said before the thought had even solidified in my mind. Gansey noticed Robert Parrish, who must have noticed the Pig, because his pace sped up. Gansey nodded and I headed into the trailer.

Adam's mom glared daggers at me but stayed silent as I entered Adam's room for the second time that day.

If Adam could have jumped any further, it would have been comical. It was obvious he wasn't expecting me. I wanted to laugh but knew it might make him angry.

"You need to speed this up. Your father is coming down the driveway."

Adam visibly paled, and I just wanted to hug him and keep him safe from the world, but I knew he wouldn't let me. I knew I shouldn't want to.

"Maybe...Maybe I should stay here...He'll be angry if he sees me leave..."

I glared.

"Adam, he's angry now. If you stay here, he'll just beat the shit out of you again."

Adam looked at the ground, as if contemplating his options. As if there was something to fucking contemplate! I grabbed his good arm and the bag he had packed and began pulling him out of the room. He stopped me.

"Adam-"

"I know, I just..."

He reached under his bed and grabbed a cereal box and an action figure that looked like it had seen some mileage. He shoved them into his bag and we left the trailer.

Robert Parrish was close enough that we could see the anger clearly on his face, but we still had enough time to shove Adam in the back with his bag, and for me to slide into the seat. I slammed the door, and the Pig conceded and stayed closed. Robert ran up to the Pig and immediately began yelling.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" he yelled, and I saw Adam shrink back in the seat, clutching the little robotic figure like it was a protector.

"Drive," I stated, letting my anger build in my fists. If Gansey didn't drive off soon, I would get out of this car and beat that worthless piece of shit into nothing- and, like Gansey had said, we didn't need anymore trouble with the cops. Gansey must have been sensing my thoughts, because he put the Pig in reverse and we were gone.


	7. My Thoughts are Stars I Can't Fathom Into Constellations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I borrowed the chapter title from Augustus Waters. I couldn't help it!

_Adam_

I sat in Noah's sterile room, trying to focus on the make-up work in front of me instead of the fact that Ronan was sleeping right next door. Noah had "let me borrow" his room while he decided to disappear for a few days. He said he was visiting family, and no one seemed to question this. I was on Latin, trying to make the foreign words translate in my mind, but all I got back was static.

_I could ask Ronan for help..._

But I hadn't talked to him since what happened earlier in my room. I still didn't even know the reason for my sudden-yet-organized kidnapping, but I was honestly too chicken to ask. I hadn't seen my father that angry since one of my grade-school teachers asked why I had so many bruises. Of course it was my fault that she had seen them, and I was pulled out of that school the next week. I couldn't walk for days.

I groaned as misinterpreted yet another word, causing the entire sentence to be a jumbled mess.

_This isn't making sense to me right now!_

But I needed to finish it. Because tomorrow was the weekend, I had to work triple shifts at the trailer factory. There was no way I'd be able to do it any other time. I'd have to ask Ronan for help.

 

Ronan

I thought I must be dreaming when a light knock echoed through my room at...eleven-fifty-six at night. Chainsaw had already found her spot by my head on the pillow and was fast asleep.

 _This must be retribution for waking Adam up so early this morning..._ I thought begrudgingly. I knew it must have been Gansey, checking to make sure my alcohol content stayed lower than my IQ. When I gave no answer- the universal sign for go away- the door swung silently open, and Adam stood shifting uncomfortably in the now open doorway. Nothing registered but the uneasy hand that scratched his pale head.

_No, this is much more cruel than retribution..._

Because if this was a dream, then Adam would break again, and I wouldn't be able to stop it. I stood slowly, unsure of the look in Adam's eyes. They looked confused- conflicted- but I didn't know why.

"Adam?"

He closed the door behind him and took a deep breath.

"I...I need help..."

English. He was speaking English, wasn't he? So this couldn't be one of my dreams. Which meant _Adam_ was standing in front of me.

 _Please don't mention this morning_ , I pleaded in my head. On the surface, I kept a blank expression.

"I..." Adam swallowed deeply, and I knew his pride was a part of that. I had never heard him ask for help before, especially from me. "I can't understand this Latin homework... Can you help?"

I nodded because I was too stunned to speak.

We worked on my bed because my desk was made for one. Chainsaw gave a light _kaw_ when Adam sat near her. She was getting bigger and becoming territorial, but she was used to Adam enough that she only had mild distaste for her space being invaded.

Adam drifted closer to me as the night went on until we were almost shoulder to shoulder, and I couldn't help inhaling his scent. He smelled amazing, but I couldn't figure out what the smell actually was.

"Ronan? _Vis audire_?"

I blinked. Had I fallen asleep? It had to be around one in the morning now...

" _Amen es? Quaerere..._ "

I leaned closer. If it was a dream, I'd be the only one hurt by my actions.

" _Hoc malum est_?" I asked before I gently brushed my lips against his.

" _Quid est_?" Adam whispered nervously before closing his eyes.

I kissed him, and suddenly I knew. This wasn't a dream. I was kissing Adam and-

I pulled away.

Adam's eyes were filled with mixed emotions. Hurt and fear were the only two I caught before he ran out of the room. I heard Noah's door close seconds later.

 _I am so fucking stupid!_ I groaned inwardly. I noticed Adam's work still resting on my bed. He had finished, but had left it in his rush. I needed to give it back.

And apologize at least.

But I didn't lie, and I couldn't apologize for a kiss I didn't regret. Instead I walked out of my room and stood in front of the door that stood between Adam and me.

_Knock. Just knock and him the stupid papers._

But I couldn't even do that.

Instead, I rested my forehead on the door, reliving the best moment in my life before I ruined it. I wrote on his homework the words I couldn't figure out explain to him earlier.

_We blew up your dad's truck._

 

_Gansey_

I saw Adam run out of Ronan's room, and then minutes later Ronan followed, as I feigned sleep. I figured if I faked it, sleep might actually come, but so far all I managed was to become confused. I saw Ronan lean his forehead against Noah's door and write something on a piece of paper before leaving it on the floor and returning to his room. It was one-thirty in the morning and I couldn't figure out why Adam would be in Ronan's room this late anyways.

Curiosity pulled me toward the paper. I couldn't help it, and it seemed like neither Ronan nor Adam were coming out of their respective rooms anytime soon.

_We blew up your dad's truck._

I sighed. Adam was bound to figure it out at some point, and maybe if he read it, his reaction would be muted and he'd be more reasonable when he talked to us.

_Sure, Gansey, old boy, and Helen will get married and Ronan will be sainted._

I knocked on the door before returning to bed. I was asleep before I could see if Adam ever opened the door or not.


	8. Damnum

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudos, and thanks to wolkenmeer for the comment! I try!

_Ronan_

I stared sleeplessly at my ceiling, a million thoughts flying through my head, but none that I wanted to entertain. All I could really focus on was the look in Adam's eyes when I pulled away. Like I had taken the world from him.

 _How could I have kissed him?_ I groaned internally.

Adam was my friend. I didn't go around kissing Noah or Gansey. So why was I so enraptured by Adam? Why was Adam so special?

I remembered the way Adam had smelled- the way he had tasted. It was like nothing I had every felt before, and there was no doubt in my mind that I wanted more.

_I can't..._

I sighed and looked at the clock. It was nearly seven in the morning. Had Adam left for work yet? Or was he asleep, alone in bed and regretting ever coming in here? It had taken a lot of his pride just to come ask for help, and how had I repaid his trust?

_I'll be lucky if he even talks to me..._

I growled angrily and sat up. I practically sensed the keys to the Pig sitting inside my desk drawer. Shaking my head, I left my room.

" _Kerah_?" Chainsaw called, but I ignored her. I didn't want her to follow me. I didn't want anyone to follow me where I was going. I shut my door and quietly walked by Gansey's bed. He was out cold- crashed after so many sleepless nights himself.

 _Sorry_ , I thought because I knew I'd never say it.

 

_Adam_

Work was near impossible. Every thought was on Ronan and his kiss. I knew I should have pushed him away. I knew I should have said something. Did something. But instead, I ran away. And I knew I recognized the look in Ronan's eyes, because I'd felt it so many times before. Disappointment and loss.

"Parrish!"

I looked up to see the floor manager with his default scowl set. He hated me. I knew that the moment I got this job. He despised anyone who went or was going to Aglionby. He saw it as a personal offense, and felt the need to go out of his way to find something wrong with what I was doing. I was really making it easy for him today, though.

He'd already given me three warnings and cut my breaks. Was that legal is up for debate, but it wasn't like I could just scream that it was unfair and quit. I needed the money. Still, my patience was becoming increasingly thin with him as his was with me.

"You got a phone call!"

I blinked at him. That was definitely not what I was expecting. I removed my gloves and headed into his small office where the only phone in the building sat waiting.

"Five minutes," he stated, holding up five fingers and shutting the door behind him.

I stared at the phone, worry clouding my thoughts.

_Was it Ronan? Was he hurt?_

_Was it Gansey? Had something happened?_

Was it Blue? Of course not! She doesn't have this number...

I took a deep breath and answered.

"Adam, honey?"

Any air I had taken in was immediately removed as my mother's shaky voice crackled over the phone.

"M-mom?" I asked, though I knew it was her.

"You need to come home, sweetie. We need to work this out like a family."

Code: You're father wants you to come home to become his punching bag.

"I-I'll be back Sunday night," I swallowed, the fear making my voice thin.

"No, you need to come home after work."

There wasn't enough air in the small office, but I tried to speak regardless. I stood there, opening and closing my mouth before "Why?" finally came out.

"You're father believes your friends are becoming a bad influence on you, and he wants you back here to have a talk. It's just a talk, Adam. I promise."

I couldn't say no because I knew what would happen if I did, so I nodded.

"Adam?"

I realized she couldn't see me.

"Okay..." I replied weakly. "I get off at nine-thirty. I'll go by Monm-"

"No, come directly home," she interrupted firmly, then hung up.

I stood there in silence, with inadequate oxygen and the phone up to my ear, until the floor manager came in and told me my five minutes were up. I walked quietly onto the floor and continued working.

Suddenly, all my thoughts were on what this "talk" would be about. I wasn't dumb enough to think my father wouldn't be angry after his truck had been blown up. I wasn't that lucky. But maybe... There was nothing that could make this situation better. Nothing that could get me out of what was to come.

_You could stay at Monmouth... Stay with Ronan..._

But even thinking that was impossible. There was no way I could use them as an escape. Everyone deserved better than that.

_Everyone but me._


	9. LLCCIDA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Laugh Like Crazy 'Cause I'm Dead Anyways)  
> Also, I feel I should mention, there is indeed an OC in this chapter. For like one second. Because SOMEONE needs a bloody cellphone. And because Adam needs some kindness at some point. So spoiler. There's a phone.

_Adam_

I dreaded the phone call I had to make after work was over. I borrowed one of my co-worker's phone to call Gansey to tell him I had to go home early. The phone rang several times before it went to voicemail. I groaned. How could he be practically glued to it one moment and suddenly be none existent the next? I tried again.

After the fourth call, I knew the owner of the phone must be agitated, so I left a message, asking him to bring my stuff by if I didn't show up by Monday.

I grimaced at that thought. In a last ditch effort, I called Ronan's cell. Of course there was no answer, so I left a similar message.

Suddenly the thought of what might happen to me tonight popped fully into my mind, and I couldn't stop the fear from leaking into my voice before I hung up. I gave the phone back to April and started on my way home.

 

_Gansey_

It wasn't until three-thirty in the morning that I got Adam's message, and my blood went cold. I had lost my phone on my desk, and I had given up the search until Ronan's raven had unearthed it.

 _I could have stopped him_ , I groaned internally. But I knew better. It was easier to find Glendower than to change Adam's mind. But he sounded nervous. And if his dad had figured out it was us...

I wondered what Ronan might say if he were here, but I couldn't think that darkly, and I hadn't seen him since the note.

 _You can leave incriminating evidence but you can't tell me where you are_? I thought exasperated. I wanted to drive to Adam's right now and take him back, but I knew if it went wrong Adam would be the one getting hurt, and I couldn't let that happen. I honestly didn't know what I could do that wouldn't put Adam in danger.

My phone rang, and I prayed it was Adam telling me that he was okay. That it was okay for him to come back to Monmouth and that he'd stay for a few more days- at least until he got a place of his own. But of course it wasn't.

"And a jolly morning to you as well, Jane!"

"Something is wrong," she stated immediately. I was about to confess that she was right when she continued. "Glendower is restless. He's showing the way, but we need to follow the path soon."

I blinked. With the Adam problem happening, actually searching for Glendower had pushed onto the back-burner, and I suddenly felt shameful. I needed to find Glendower. I couldn't help Adam until he was ready to be helped. But I still needed his help looking for the old Welsh king. I made up my mind. I was going to go kidnap Adam if he wouldn't- or couldn't- come willingly.

"Are you still there?" she asked, completely oblivious to my thoughts and the events of the past few days. It was the first time since we met her that my thoughts weren't smothered in Blue.

"Yeah... I'll have a helicopter come get us and see what we can see from an aerial view."

"What?" she asked, surprise heavy in her voice.

"But it'll have to be in the afternoon. Ronan won't miss Mass," I sighed. That was the one thing that Ronan would never compromise on, even though it included one of his least liked people- Declan Lynch- and I couldn't ask him to.

"What?" she asked again.

"Oh, Ronan is quite Catholic. He attends every Sunday," I replied off-handedly as I quoted Jane's words into my journal.

"I meant 'what' as in the world. In reference to the easily- accessible helicopter! You can just mail-order one?"

I finally noted the amazement in her voice, and I couldn't help thinking that it was endearing.

"Well, no. If I ordered one through the mail, it would take at least three days to come. No, I have a better way."

Ronan suddenly walked in and quickly strode into his room without a word. A few moments later he came back out, grabbed his bird, and trumped back into his room, slamming the door.

_Okay...then?_

I would work on that mystery after I was finished talking with Jane.

"Gansey?"

"Hm?" I replied, realizing she must have called me more than once.

"Um...nevermind," she sighed. "Bye."

"Later," I replied and hung up.

I stood and stared at Ronan's closed door. I sighed. I needed to handle this before it became a problem. I opened the door, deciding knocking showed weakness, and it was never a good idea to show a predator weakness.

"Gansey," Ronan growled instantly as he opened the bag with Chainsaw's food. I disapproved of the name, but I couldn't deny it was the raven's name now that it- she- answered to it.

"What is wrong with you?" I asked with absolutely no malice.

"No one knocks in this fucking place," Ronan replied simply as he shoved the gray material down Chainsaw's throat.

"You know that's not what I mean. Something is up with you."

Ronan stayed silent and I knew I would get no response. I sighed.

"Will you at least come with me tomorrow to bring Adam his stuff?"

He looked up surprised.

"Parrish isn't back?"

I shook my head.

"His mom called him at work and said that he had to come home. He didn't really leave much info..."

"What do you mean?" Ronan asked, eyes narrowing.

"He left a voicemail because I couldn't find my phone earlier. He might have left one on your phone, too, if you ever checked it."

The comment came out more snide than intended, and I would have apologized had it not been Ronan. Instead, I just sighed.

"Will you come with me tomorrow? Things might get violent..."

Ronan simply nodded, so I left his room, shutting his door behind me.

 

_Ronan_

I stared at the sleek cellphone sitting on my bed. It said that I had forty-six missed calls, and nineteen voicemails.

" _Kerah_?" Chainsaw asked gently. She had been irritated with me that I had left her, but relieved that I was actually sober.

I would like to say something to her, but I knew any response I could think of would be a lie, so I stayed silent. I decided that if I put my phone on speaker, it wouldn't be the same as actually using it.

" _You have- nineteen- voicemail_ ," the automated woman spoke calmly. I was already ready to claw my ears off, but I stuck with it. " _First- unheard message: You're la-Message deleted._ "

I was not in the mood to hear Declan bitch and moan, which were the first eighteen messages.

" _Last- unheard message: Hey...Ronan. If I'm not...If I'm not at school Monday, could you..._ "

I couldn't listen to the rest of the message. Adam's voice sounded so terrified, so near shattering, that I just couldn't. How did he expect me to wait until Monday to see if he was okay? I grabbed the keys to my BMW and headed out the door.

"Am I to assume this is a rescue mission?" Gansey asked, his wire-rimmed glasses firmly in place.

"No, this is a massacre, and you're staying here."

Gansey was about to argue but I stopped him.

"If I get arrested, you're the only one who'll pay bail. If we both go to jail, neither Declan or Helen is going to make the trip to get us out. I have church in a few hours."

For once, Gansey was speechless. Logic. She made a bitch out of the best of us.

"Try not to get arrested," Gansey finally sighed as I headed out of the door.

I couldn't make any promises, so I stayed silent and headed for my BMW. Something was going to end, and I refused to let it be Adam.


	10. Kidding Ourselves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At least there will be a happy ending! Eventually...

_Ronan_

I slammed on the brakes as I pulled up to Adam's trailer. It was dark, but I knew they had to be home. I just hoped that bastard Robert was there too, that way I could finally end all of this.

The moment I turned off the car, I heard the yelling. Even though the lights were out, I could hear Robert Parrish's voice as he screamed angrily. I immediately got out and headed towards their door. When I was five feet away, the door swung open, and Adam fell at my feet.

My first instinct was to kill the man who threw him there, but instead I knelt down to make sure Adam was okay. He was barely breathing but alive. I glared at his "father", who simply glared down at us.

"Take your whore and get out of my sight," he growled and slammed the door.

So many things flew through my mind, varying from decapitating Robert Parrish to wondering what he meant to-

_Adam needs a hospital._

That thought won out, and I easily picked him up and began carrying him to the car. I didn't bother to hide my swears as I realized it was too easy to carry Adam. Why didn't he just come back to Monmouth?

_Because of you..._

Because I had to be a complete idiot and push away everyone I cared for, and break everything I touched. Because I was incapable of not ruining something important.

I began to drive, already dialing the hospital so that they would be ready.

"...n..."

I looked at Adam through my rearview mirror as I navigated Henrietta at night. I took the sight of him in in one glance.

He was pale- paler than Noah- and bruises were starting to form on his face where old ones had started to fade. He was so beaten, but I couldn't stop thinking that he was still beautiful.

"...Ronan...?"

"Shut up, Parrish," I replied immediately, because whatever Adam said would be disoriented. That meant he wouldn't mean it, and I didn't want to hear anything he didn't mean right now.

"Ronan..." Adam tried again. "...I...I told him..."

"Told him what?" I asked as someone from the hospital finally answered.

"Henrietta General, what is your emergency?" a nasally Southern accent asked immediately.

"I...I told him..." Adam repeated, this time more firmly. His eyes were closed, and he took in a shaky breath. "But...I can't go...I can't go back there..."

"Hello?" the nasally voice asked. I began to explain about Adam and she assured me that they'd be ready.

"Adam, just stop talking for now, okay?" I sighed as I closed the phone. Just the thought of using the device so often exhausted me.

"Ronan..." Adam tried, his voice crackling disconcertingly. I pushed my BMW to go faster. It seemed like the hospital was across the country instead of a few more miles.

Adam coughed before trying again.

"Ronan..."

Suddenly Adam was silent. I looked over at him, and I couldn't tell if he was breathing.

I refuse.

I refuse to let that bastard steal Adam from us. I refuse to let the wind blow Adam away, removing him from my life forever. I refused.

The hospital came into sight.

 

_Adam_

I opened my eyes to see stark white walls, and I groaned.

 _There is no possible way this could be a good thing_ , I thought as I covered my eyes with my arm.

"Are you in pain?"

Noah's voice surprised me more than anything, and I moved my arm to see him standing next to my hospital bed. I took that in. I was at the hospital. I was right. There was no possible way that it could be a good thing.

"I need to leave," I replied and began to sit up when a wave of pain flooded my senses, and I immediately fell back against the stiff sheets. Noah gave a breathy laugh.

"Calm down. Gansey's footing the bill," he smiled and sat at the foot of my bed. A chill spread over me, and I shivered slightly.

Noah shrugged apologetically.

"We were worried...You were out for a while..."

A cold chill ran down my spine, and full realization sank in.

"Noah, how long have I been out?"

"Just the night. Gansey just left to go to class, but Blue cut in case you woke up before they got out of class."

"And you?" I asked, wondering exactly why Noah was here, looking so smug and far too cheerful.

"I just wanted to see you tell Blue," he smirked.

I raised an eyebrow, much to the distaste of my face.

"Tell her what?" I asked.

"What you told your dad."

I blinked at the eager blonde. How would he know what I told my-

_I have to tell Blue._

That thought hit harder than a punch to the face, and I was becoming strangely accustomed to those. Noah seemed to notice this, and gave me a sympathetic smile as Blue entered the hospital room.

" _Actually_ , I think I'll wait in the hall."


	11. Honesty

_Adam_

Blue was smiling as she came in. Her choppy black hair was styled in a cute way, and she still looked pretty to me. I didn't understand completely what was going on in my heart, but I knew it wasn't the same as when Ronan walked near me. It wasn't the same as when Ronan talked to me. It wasn't the same as when Ronan kissed me.

"I'm glad you're awake," she smiled, relief clearly on her face. Guilt washed over me, but I'd rather tell her now than let her find out some other way.

She suddenly had a weird look on her face, and I realized she'd asked me something.

"I'm sorry," I apologized. "What did you say?"

"I said that Gansey, Noah, and I are going up in a helicopter today after school. I wish you were coming with us."

 _I don't_ , I thought quickly. Heights weren't really my thing. Then something she said clicked, and it bothered me that it was my first thought.

"Um...Ronan...He isn't going too?"

Blue grimaced at his name.

" _Ronan_ is in the hall, pacing around and snapping at people like a child," she stated like a disappointed mother. Still, the thought of Ronan near made me smile despite myself. That smile quickly faded as I wondered what he knew. Last night was a blur, and I could only recall fragments of what happened. It was like watching a scratched DVD. Nothing really made sense.

I remembered walking through the door of the trailer- then bleeding on the floor- then screaming at my dad that I hated him- then being pinned against the wall- then laughing and telling him I liked Ronan- then Ronan driving...

And then waking up here.

_I admitted it..._

The thought made me almost giddy, until the realization that Blue was still there, waiting for something that I doubted I would ever be able to give her. I sighed and I opened my mouth to speak.

"-Adam, what do we have?"

I stared at her, my mouth still open. I hadn't expected that, and by the look on her face, neither had she.

"I mean, I know it's not like I have a lot of experience in dating but...it seems like we're more like friends than..."

She didn't name whatever we had, and I was grateful for that. I closed my eyes and wondered how far I could press myself into my pillow. I let out a long breath, remaining silent. Thinking.

"I know this isn't something I should have brought up while you were in the hospital, but...When I found out you were in here, I was the last to know. I was told by Orla that my- that you were hospitalized."

I noted an emotion in her voice that wasn't anger or hurt...It sounded like jealousy. To that, I opened my eyes, and I looked at her. I really looked at her.

Blue was short, with gentle features that were normally hidden by her sharp words- mind you never as sharp as Ronan's, but often I thought that they could be real friends if they stopped insulting one another. Her black hair was uniquely cut, and her eyes were piercing. She looked like someone who wanted answers. I didn't have any. At least, none that she wanted to hear.

"Adam...are we ever going to be anything? Anything more than just Blue and Adam?"

 _What could we have ever been?_ I wondered. If not for Ronan, there might have been someone else. Gansey maybe? No, he was like a brother or a father. And Noah was like that weird little brother that always hung around even if you didn't want him to, but loved him regardless. But Ronan...

"I guess not..." I admitted, and flinched when I heard the sharp intake of breath Blue gave before I saw her nod. I looked to see those piercing eyes turned dull by the threat of tears, and guilt floored me hard.

 _But what did she expect?_ I asked myself as she turned from me to wipe her face.

"There's someone else, isn't there?" She asked, her voice a careful neutral.

_Was Ronan someone else?_

No. He was the only one.

Blue nodded, as if reading my thoughts, and I raised a curious eyebrow. She gave a shaky laugh and sniffed.

"Adam, you know what my family's like. I always have to keep an open mind."

I stared at her, trying to process what she was saying. My brain wasn't moving fast enough as she headed to the door, her hand on the knob.

"I'm sorry," was all I could choke out. She shook her head, her smile not quite reaching her eyes.

"Don't be. I hope you're happy, Adam. You deserve to be, you know," she stated, and left.

 

_Gansey_

_I shouldn't have come today_ , I thought plainly as I sat in Latin. Whelk was conjugating the Latin for "to cry" and the thought just kept running through my mind. What kind of friend was I? One of my best friends was in the hospital, and I was sitting in class, jotting down notes like everyone else. Everyone who didn't know Adam. Everyone who could have cared less if a kid from a trailer had almost died. Everyone wh-

"Mr. Gansey, it would help you more to pay attention," Whelk stated snidely.

I thought about replying, but couldn't think of anything witty in Latin, and in English it wouldn't have the same effect.

" _Quid igitur vis fieri_?" I sighed.

I saw Whelk physically twitch, but he remained silent and continued to teach, everyone else seemingly oblivious.

 _I should have stayed at the hospital_ , I sighed uselessly.

I noticed Whelk sneaking glances at me every so often, and I remembered Adam's idea that someone was watching our movements. I had thought he had been paranoid but...

_Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you._

The class ended and I gathered my books, making sure to put my journal at the bottom of my bag so there was no chance of it being stolen. Whelk kept his back to me, and I realized I was being ridiculous. No one but us were even interested in the ley lines and Glendower. What would a Latin teacher even want with an ancient Welsh king?

I was being ridiculous and I needed to get back to the hospital before we went up in the helicopter.

 

Noah

**MURDEREDMURDEREDMURDEREDMURDEREDMURDEREDMURDEREDMURDEDMURDEREDMURDEREDMURDEREDMURDEREDMURDEREDMURDERED**


	12. Charcoal and Sepia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Like everything inevitably does, it ends with Ronan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And finally the happy ending I somewhat promised!

_Ronan_

I watched Adam as he slept. Blue and Noah had already left to ride in the helicopter, but I had decided to stay with him. No one needed to be alone in a hospital. Especially not Adam.

I watched as he breathed slowly and deeply, and guilt washed over me. If I had just answered my phone-

_You couldn't have stopped him._

No one could make Adam Parrish change his mind, even if he knew the consequences of the decision. But that didn't stop me from wishing I had tried. I shook my head, forcing my thoughts to focus on something else.

What did Adam mean when he said that he'd told his father? Told him what exactly?

A million thoughts flew through my mind as I wondered this. Did he tell him about the kiss? Did he tell him he was going to move out? Did he tell him to go to hell?

I sighed. Thinking about it wouldn't give me an answer, so I went back to my past-time of watching Adam sleep.

My mind drifted again. I wondered what happened between him and Blue. Not that I really cared if she cried, I did care if she'd hurt Adam. He had been sleeping since Gansey had left after delivering the missed work, and I hadn't had a chance to ask about it. I doubted he would even tell me if I asked. I wasn't even sure if he'd forgiven me for the kiss yet. He wouldn't trust me with girl problems.

"Mm...Ronan?"

I nearly jumped at the quiet croak of Adam's voice. His eyes were watching me carefully, like he was calculating something about me. I tried to keep my expression blank.

"What time is it?" he asked, which was the last thing I'd expected him to say. I looked at the clock over his bed.

"A little past five," I replied simply.

"So the others are already gone? Blue...?"

I nodded, and he seemed to physically relax.

"When can I go ho- get out of here?" he asked carefully.

"The doctor said that you'd be released tomorrow. They want to keep you overnight for observation."

There was a long silence before Adam spoke again.

"I can't go back there..."

The pain in those five words was enough to bring back the anger that I had fought back when I had went to his house. I clenched my jaw to keep from saying something that I might regret. I was sick of Adam getting angry at me, and now wasn't the time to question why he'd gone back in the first place.

"Will you come to Monmouth then?" I asked, speaking slowly. I chose each word carefully, and made sure my voice sounded neutral.

"...I don't want to," he mumbled, his voice cracking slightly. "But I guess I don't really have a choice."

I stood and walked over to sit beside Adam on his bed.

"Don't," I glared. "You always have a choice. Just because it isn't something you want, never say you don't have a choice. You could choose to live on the street."

Adam glared back.

"And what would you care?" he snapped angrily. I didn't back down.

"Are you serious? Have you honestly not noticed how I feel about you?" I growled. Something flickered across Adam's eyes before they were again filled with anger.

"What I _noticed_ Ronan Lynch, is that when you kissed me, you pulled away. I _noticed_ that you hardly ever have anything nice to say to me at all. I _noti_ -"

I chose then to smash my mouth against his. I didn't give him a chance to protest as I ran a careful hand through his hair and pulled him closer. His eyes fluttered closed and he gave a low moan that drove me insane. I licked and nibbled his bottom lip until he opened his mouth, giving me access. I felt his hands snake up my back and tangle in my shirt before he pulled me back and took a shaky breath. I couldn't help but think he was beautiful- even with the bruises and the bandages. Adam was always beautiful.

"I didn't pull away because I didn't feel anything," I huffed, also out of breath. "I did it because I didn't want to hurt you."

Adam studied my eyes, and I hoped he could see the honesty there. That he could see the love. I didn't really expect an answer, but his silence was starting to make a cold chill run down my spine.

"Ronan..."

He averted his gaze from me, not helping the uneasiness running through me.

"I...I don't think I'm gay..."

I immediately readied myself for what was about to come. I had just ruined a perfectly good friendship with Adam-

"But I know that I like you. I don't know if it's love... I don't really know what that feels like... But I do know that I like it when you kiss me...and I like when you say my name...and I like when you touch me..."

I smiled, and Adam blushed. I felt too relieved to even reply, so I just kissed him again, this time more aware of the fact that he was still hurt.

"Then does this mean you forgive me for the truck thing?" I grinned when we needed air again.

He smirked, and it reminded me of one of mine.

"He deserved worse. I just wish he would have been in it."

He became serious again and stared at me intently.

"Ronan...What will we be?"

I didn't hesitate. There was no need to.

"Happy."


End file.
